Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me.

This childhood taunt may be correct on one level, but is completely wrong on another. Young children discover quickly the stinging nature of harmful words, whether from their peers or from adults. Words like “You’ll never amount to anything” can not only hurt for a moment, but can form a child’s lifelong self-image. Bruises may not be seen, bones may not be broken, blood may not be drawn, but harm is nevertheless done. Parents and teachers should be careful about the words used with children and teens; maturing young adults must learn to be careful with one another; all citizens would do well to “walk a mile” before criticizing other citizens. Years ago I learned that it takes fourteen compliments to undo one criticism, especially with younger people. And since no one can take back words once spoken, all of us would be wise to use only those words that build up.

In recent decades, various members of the Episcopal Church have stooped to the childish ways of name-calling. Conservatives refer to liberals as heretics, liberals refer to conservatives as antagonists, and the list goes on. I hardly think that such name-calling is of the Spirit; and I do know that it has done significant harm to the Church. St. Paul admonishes Christians to live in unity even in the midst of our differences of opinions and points of view. He reminds us that it takes all kinds to make up the Body of Christ (I Corinthians 12), and that dismissing one another, because we have different functions and purposes, is foolish.

In families and in the Church we all have a responsibility to hold each other accountable for our beliefs, words and actions; and we all have a responsibility to set examples for others to follow. When we hold another accountable, we do not have to resort to name calling, but rather speak the truth in love. When we are held accountable, we do not have to walk away, tossing verbal hand grenades over our shoulder, but rather strive to hear the hard truth calling for repentance, change and reconciliation. Too often, people who think they are setting good examples are understood to be doing or saying the exact opposite. When that happens, we need to change what we do or say in order that our intended example may be received.

As Christians we are called to be a people of the Great Commandments and the Great Commission. While I am sometimes discouraged that we are not living either of them very well, I am convinced that we must try. When we fail, we are to let the Lord pick us up and dust us off so that we can continue on the journey of reconciliation.